After His 6-Year-Old Son Wasn’t Invited To Any Parties, His Dad Sent A Powerful Text To His ‘Friends'

 

The Bullying Must Stop

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Children with autism or autism spectrum disorders are at a higher risk of bullying than the neurotypical population. In fact, a study performed by the Interactive Autism Network found that 63% of their study population, children ages 6 to 15 with autism, reported being bullied at some point in their lives. But there are other ways besides bullying a child with autism can feel alienated, and Reilly Stephenson and his father Shane can tell you. 

Reilly Stephenson

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Reilly Stephenson is six. He is nonverbal. In the autism and ASD community, this is not uncommon. In fact, 30% of people diagnosed with ASD never learn to speak more than a few words. He has been bullied because of his condition, and his father has seen and heard it all.   

The Many Forms Of Hurt

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What really hurt the most was when Shane found out that none of his friends were inviting Reilly to their children's birthday parties. This was a slight to both father and son, and belied any kind of friendship these people may have claimed toward Shane. But our father and hero didn't just let things lie. 

Texting Up For His Son

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Shane sent a text message to his adult friends that read: 

My son Reilly has autism, not leprosy…He is 6 years old and my so-called friends who have kids also have kids’ parties. Not ONE invite, not one.

Birthday parties are a place where children interact, build skills, and cultivate necessary and formative relationships and experiences with other kids. They have a lot of social currency, as well. Being rejected at such an early age can have serious consequences on a child's development.  

Some Misconceptions

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One of the misconceptions about children with autism is that they're emotionally detached from their parents. But the research shows this is not the case. However, children with ASD will express that closeness in different ways. That Shane stuck up for his son is testament to the bond that can form between parents and their kids with ASD.  

Mommy's Got Daddy's Back

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Reilly's mom Christine took to Twitter to back up her husband, and call out the parents who dissed their kid and them. Her hashtag calling for inclusion is part of an overall mission to de-stigmatize the disorder amongst neurotypical people. More people must speak out, and more need to listen. 

Life Of Reilly

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Up until a few years ago, Christine was running a blog called Life of Reilly. It documented her son's condition, but also served as a diary, which the public could read and get a better idea of what it's like to both live with ASD and also as a parent of an ASD child. It also has some fascinating interpretations and repurposing of Spiderman comics. 

Nonverbal Doesn't Mean Not Intelligent

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Another dangerous misconception about children with ASD is that nonverbal equals not intelligent. This is just not the case. The IQ test has been shown to be an inadequate measure of intelligence in general, much less those with nonverbal disorders, like Shane. There's something called the TONI, a nonverbal test, that's proved more successful.

The Internet's Outpouring

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Others took to Twitter and other social media to express their support for Reilly and his awesome, thoughtful parents. One person imagined how much a difference it would make if more people spoke out in such direct terms. But the burden of reciprocity rests on the parents like those throwing the parties. 

Not Just Bullying

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When it comes to disabilities like ASD, bullying isn't just a schoolyard issue: it's a civil rights issue. Disabled persons are a protected class, and offenses against them can be tried as hate crimes. There's no place for it in or around the playground. 

A Lonely-Making Condition

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Because of the difficulty people with ASD have at picking up social cues and maintaining social interactions, autism can be a very lonely condition. However, distance and disconnectedness should not be mistaken for aversion to social interaction, or lack of desire. A UCLA study found that people with ASD have more or less the same desire for social interaction that neurotypical people do.

Social Anxiety

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Another study at Virginia Polytechnic came to a similar conclusion. Anxiety and feelings of loneliness increase in direct relation to the lack of social interaction in kids with ASD. That means that the symptoms of the condition can have a snowballing effect.   

A Disservice To Reilly

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That's why these other parents did such a disservice to Reilly. It's helpful to and important for kids with ASD, even if these parents and their kids feel awkward, to be invited to these social gatherings. It's up to the child and parents to make a decision about whether they will stay. 

Early Intervention

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Treatment is and should be different for each child, tailored to their respective needs and learning styles. But studies have shown that early behavioral intervention therapy is a remarkably effective treatment. Highly qualified therapists can spend upwards of 25 hours a week helping to modify behavior over time.

The Takeaway

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So if you're a parent of a child with ASD, know that you and your child have rights. If you're a parent and you're having a party, be sure to make your invite list inclusive. And if you are someone with an ASD, know that there is hope. And, Reilly, if you're reading this: you rock.